Mumbai 26/11 : I will not be scared. I will not let me forget this either.

There are events that shape one’s life, and last few days point out the extent to which dastardly ambitions of a few can corrupt lives, and psyche of many.

The talk of resilience is pure bombastic nonsense. More people now agree, that it more a sense of distant detachment, and a certain disregard for reality that make people carry on with their lives like hypnotized animals in a circus. Keep performing, while getting thrashed. All for some food at the end of the show.

Theologians of the new world order may have a method to explain everything that is going on - the linkages, the motives, the message that was to be given. I was once told that there isn’t anything called “terrorism”, it is just another differing point of view, exhibited in a radical way. For example, what our freedom strugglers did was often the same thing in a much diminished form, and the British Raj would have labeled some of our most courageous legends as “terrorists”. The sad thing about logic is that you can always find ways to explain the most stupid thing ever conjured up, by even sick minds. Minds of these normal looking people, images of whom have been flashed on newspapers and TV for countless times, contorted irreparably by preachers of anarchy. They have reached out to people around us, amongst us, and maybe sitting right now in the living rooms of some unsuspecting people in your town. Their insanity of purpose is not a function of their economic status or literacy levels. In fact, we read that they float around in places which brew wisdom – upmarket workplaces, universities, hospitals.

So, what should we do? Can’t get to agree to sit and watch this go around you. But don’t know what to do. I move my toes with restlessness, and crack my knuckles, but none of that helps. There is no way to expect the governing constituents to lay any action in front of you which can present as a long term cushion of safety. Passionate rhetoric from otherwise blasé leaders sounds even hollower, while we watch rabid reports on television networks. I am also tired talking about this to friends, colleagues, and worried acquaintances that call from different parts of the world. Sounding knowledgeable about isn’t leaping us across this fire-walk. Writing about it isn’t, either.

I am sick, and I am scared. I don’t want to go the swimming pool at the neighborhood 5 star hotel, of which have been regular patrons. Much less sitting at the theatre watching a movie, or making a regular drop into a shopping mall. I spend hours sleeping, or eating at home, which contrive to make matters appear worse in the head. Making the 4th cup of tea for the day, I decide to outpour on paper. But more importantly, I decide that action will need to follow this.

Foremost, will start with not feeling scared by this. I will walk with the freedom I have been given by life. I promise to do what I would do any other day. But I will feel comatose if I let this pass, merely bouncing back from it like nothing happened. I feel strongly that there is a role an average man on the street, like me, can play in this. And this can be amplified if more people get together in a forum. Such a forum needs to work with the state systems to bring about active surveillance, which could be the only thing to prevent, and reduce probabilities, however randomly. I will talk about this to people around me – not the problem, but ways to avert it. I know the intent would be strong in many, but I also know that sometimes our earnestness would resort to easy prejudicial racist segregation. I don’t think I have all the answers, but I want to seek them. We know for sure that the government intelligence is more a statement of the lack of it, and like many other state responsibilities of health, education, post which have been taken over by private and social enterprise, this too will have to be taken over by you and me. And take control of the safety of our lives.

I will also enroll for Krav Maga. Never thought I needed it more. Not until you feel that you were sitting having dinner with a client or friend in one of these hotels, and you get assaulted. They say when you engage with your enemy – you become him. Notwithstanding, I would fight to survive, but would not die scared.